Welcome to Town:
This Town – The Go Go’s
Sex & Dying in High Society – X
Dream Lover – The Plasmatics
Love My Way – The Psychedelic Furs
Wasted – The Vapors
I Want You Around – The Ramones
Bodies – The Sex Pistols
Rise – Public Image, Ltd.
This is Radio Clash – The Clash
Into You Like a Train – The Cure
It’s via the Psychedelic Furs because there was no Cure version on youtube!
When the New Guy breezed into freshman English at Richland High like he owned the place, Lisa knew her life would never be the same. He was taller than the other boys in her class. He wore faded, fraying jeans and a long-sleeve flannel over his Kinks concert shirt. As he slipped into the desk next to her, she watched him casually kick off his checkered Vans and unfold his legs into the aisle between them. What a stone fox, she thought.
To keep from staring, Lisa focused hard on the doodle on the cover of her binder, but he was a magnet for her attention and when she chose a moment not too carefully, she found him staring at her. Remaining cool, she ran her fingers through her hair like yeah dudes are always checking me out when I doodle. I’m only like the next Warhol, you know. Her finger got stuck in her red locks. As she untwisted it, New Guy asked, “You like the Psychedelic Furs?”
“Huh? What?” Lisa blurted too loudly causing Mrs. Fletcher to look over.
New Guy pointed at the band’s logo on her folder and then at his own. She nodded and whispered, “Oh yeah. Totally.” Lisa watched as his shoulder-length blond hair moved in a mysteriously nonexistent breeze. She pictured the two of them, side by side in some kind of Italian sports car cruising across the European landscape, his hair blowing wildly in the wind, hers wrapped tightly in a scarf preferably something colorful and designed by Hermes.
“Fuckin’ A. Maybe this school won’t be a total waste after all” he said with a faint smile; a smile that said to Lisa, “You and me, babe. We can take this world by storm with our love.”
The blood crept up her neck like the ivy over a wall. If her mother ever saw him, she’d surely tell her, “He’s looks like a waste of time,” which sounded perfect to Lisa. She wanted nothing more than to waste all of her time gazing into the navy blue eyes he used to read the warning labels on Marlboro packages, to kiss the soft lips that were made sweet and moist from Crown and Cokes, and to hold the same hands that rolled perfect joints and twanged a whole two chords on a used electric guitar.
Her daydream was interrupted when an intricately folded piece of paper landed on his desk. Lisa’s best friend, Karla, a girl prone to wearing pastel ski sweaters and twister beads, gave her a thumbs up from the opposite side of the room. They both watched surreptitiously as New Guy unfolded the paper.
As he searched for a pen, Lisa pulled one from a brand new pack she just purchased at the drug store and handed it to him. “Thanks,” he said. Lisa promised herself that if he gave the pen back, she would have it bronzed and possibly framed… if you can frame bronzed items.
Folding the note, he passed it back in the direction it came, rested his head on his desk and fell asleep.
After class, Karla and Lisa met at their lockers. “Ohmigod, you totally have to read this,” Karla said pulling the note from her pocket. Grabbing it, Lisa gingerly began unfolding it. Karla anxiously hopped up and down, “Hurry! Open it!”
Pulling apart the crumpled note revealed fat, bubble-like cursive handwriting in blue ink asking several questions and black-inked chicken-scratch answering them saying that New Guy’s name was Gary, he just moved here from Chicago, and yes, he would come to Karla’s party Saturday night.
This was all exciting, but it was the last question that had Lisa in a stranglehold. “Do you want to date/hold hands/make-out with the red-haired girl, Lisa, to your left? Please circle all that apply.”
Gary had circled all three.
“Oh. My. God.”
“Is that just so bitchin?” Karla practically screamed. The girls hugged out their madness and then quieted as though everyone around them cared about their latest discovery.
“Why did you ask him about me?” Lisa asked as she grabbed the wrong books for her next class.
“I’m so sure. You should have seen your face when he walked to his desk,” Karla responded. “Kinda like way obvious so I had to get the deets.”
“Oh shit. I’m so embarrassed, they can see me blushing from space,” Lisa giggled.
“Like whatever,” Karla said. “I’m coming over and we’re picking the right outfit.”
“What if I make him a mix tape? Is that too forward?” Lisa inquired.
“It’s like totally clear he’s into you, you know?” Karla said excitedly as she raced off to class.
The next night, in Karla’s suburban garage, several nerdish students gathered around a punchbowl with their braces and acne and clean Izod shirts. “I’m so sure Gary’s going to show up and then totally book out with this on display,” Lisa said fanning her arm to the dork cluster. “My mom made me invite them. Grab some punch and we’ll stand out by the doorway,” Karla said.
Just as the girls made it to the garage door, an early model light blue Mustang in mint condition pulled into the drive, engine glugging. Gary sat behind the wheel, a cigarette dangling from his lips. “See? He’s totally calculating the nerd to cool ratio,” Lisa whispered. Karla bounded over to the car. “This car is so boss.”
Gary nodded thanks but his eyes stayed fixed on Lisa. He motioned out the window for her to come over. “Hey… you wanna go for a drive?”
“Sure,” she shrugged, “Why not.”
Karla jogged back over to Lisa taking her punch from her. “Total jackpot. He’s fine and he has a car! I want every single living color detail when you get back.”
Lisa smiled, “For sure, but whatever. We’ll probably just ride around and talk.” The girls shared a quick hug, and then Lisa dashed into the car.
Approximately two minutes and three seconds of awkward silence later, Gary pulled the car into a large clearing that separated Karla’s neighborhood from the woods and cut the engine. Gary leaned back and lit a cigarette. “You want one?” he asked. Lisa shook her head no and wondered if he was going to kiss her and if so, what should she do. Contemplating the conundrum kept her staring straight ahead like a stuffed animal when she suddenly remembered the mix tape.
Removing it from her pocket, she said casually, “Oh hey… I made you this tape just as… you know… a welcome…” A welcome what you total dweeb, sounded the voice in her head.
“Yeah? Cool.” He turned the tape over in his hands reading the label. “These bands are killer.”
Popping it into the deck, Gary pushed play. I Want You Around by The Ramones started up. “Why such a slow Ramones tune?”
Lisa’s face grew warm. Clearly, Gary wasn’t one for listening to the words of songs or reading titles for that matter. “I don’t know… most people only know their faster songs, but ….” Her voice drifted off.
Gary chuckled a little. “You’re kinda weird, you know? But then you’re kinda young, too.”
“Why? How old are you?”
Gary replied, “Seventeen.”
“Oh wow… I thought you were a freshman,” said Lisa.
“I am,” he said.
Gary exhaled long, crushed out the remaining ember and asked, “So what do you like to do?” He leaned toward her. The vinyl seat squeaked with his movement. She could feel his breath near her.
Thinking about the question and trying desperately to ignore how the air around them suddenly changed, she began rambling. “Um, well… I like to read and draw. I used to have a horse but it scared me… I also play tennis at the country club…” She stopped short when she felt his hand gently caress the back of her head.
Instinctively, Lisa turned toward him surprised at how easily she fell into the big moment, the big kiss. But what came next was the true surprise. Instead of locking lips, he directed her with an air of pride, “Look,” and then motioned her head toward his crotch.
In the two seconds that felt like 30 years, Lisa pulled back and looked out into the dark field only to see her frightened reflection staring back at her in the window. I could run into that field, she thought, like the women on the covers of those romance novels mom hides next to her bed. That’s what those women are doing. They’re running from the penis. No wonder mom won’t let me read them, but if she had, I’d know what to do right now.
Lisa knew in her heart that running away never solved a problem and that she was never one to turn away from a challenge. So, like a diver preparing for her nationally-televised Olympic leap, she expelled all the air from her lungs, took a deep breath and brought her face within one of inch of the… thing. Then, after a concentrated second, she gently and delicately began to blow upon it.
“What are you doing?” Gary blurted dumbfounded. Lisa sat up and replied so timidly as to be nearly inaudible, “Um… I’m giving you a blow job… I think.” But before Lisa could be sure, the bright headlights of a semi-truck parked across the field flashed on illuminating the confusion in Gary’s car. Lisa heard herself inhale sharply at the sight of the imposter protruding from his pants. Gary crammed his only friend back inside and in one movement, zipped up, shifted into first and turned left. “Are we going to your house?” Lisa questioned. “I’m taking you back to the party… freshman,” Gary scorned.
They pulled into Karla’s driveway which also meant in front of everyone. Gary left the motor running. “Aren’t you coming back inside?” she asked. “Just get out,” he scoffed, “Jesus.”
At that moment, the tape started over and Love My Way began. In a sudden rash of fury fueled by disappointment, disgust and shame, Lisa popped the eject button on the deck pushing the tape out only halfway. She pulled hard to free it. “Careful!” Gary insisted.
She shoved his hand away and continued to yank on the hopeless tape; a tape pieced together with her heart, some secrets and the silly dreams of a 14-year-old girl. “You’re breaking it!” he shouted.
“No, you’re breaking it!” One last pull brought the cassette out with a long ribbon of chewed and marred tape. Tears poured down her face as she pushed the heavy door open. Karla ran towards the car screaming, “What did you do to her?”
Lisa slammed the door shut, the shiny, brown tape spooling madly from the deck and out the window. Gary screeched out of the driveway snapping the last bit of tape from the cassette that Lisa held in her hand. As he sped away, she ran into the alley and shouted, “You’re nothing but a waste of time!”
Karla put her arm around her. “Are you okay? What happened?”
“He’s only like the oldest ninth-grader in the world,” Lisa answered.
“Gross me out,” Karla said.
“I know. Like gag me with an entire set of dinnerware.”
As they walked up the driveway, a nerd handed Lisa a cup of punch. “You know the metal tapes are like so much better,” he said pushing his glasses up his nose. “I can give you some to try out if you want. I have a whole bunch.”
Lisa took one last look at the black plastic cassette with its missing guts before tossing it into the garbage can.
“That would be great,” Lisa said as Karla picked up tape remnants from the driveway and they walked back inside to the party.
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Lisa is an optimistic pessimist in that she will happily tell you that things are only going to get worse. She enjoys sleeping, driving, poking fun at hippies and eating popcorn. All at the same time.
